You Know What Time it is!

MOVIE! Time!

 Yes, it is indeed movie time folks. And right now, I'm going to take you back in the old days. Back when I was a kid, afraid of the dark, completely unaware of what movies might do to you and generally confused as to what a woman was and how they work. First and last, probably still a reality the day today, but moving on!

The movie I am talking about, is in fact Small Soldiers!

 Yes! Small soldiers! And no, it's not about oppressed soldiers, feeling small bellow the mighty pressure of politicians or big, big Aliens!

It is a movie from 1998, back when I enjoyed playing around with tiny figures that could.. Move their limbs n' shit.. Fuck yeah, realistic ain't it? You don't get toys like that these days. These days they can all either talk or walk on their own. Wheres the fun in that? How am I supposed to use my imagination, when my bloody doll does all the talking!? I of course don't play with Dolls, just.. An example, of course...

Shut up... Back to the movie. It was Directed by Joe Dante, also known for Gremlins 1 & 2 and Inner Space. I only just now found out, and is pretty psyched on seeing Inner Space now, because the other movies just mentioned, is all part of my favorites.

Small Soldiers where written by Gavin Scott, Adam Rifkin, Ted Eliott and Terry Rossio. Also known for the movies: 'The Mist of Avalon', 'Underdog' and the 'Pirates of the Caribean' Quadrologi, split out between the different writers. I'm sure we all know the Pirates of the Carebean movies, and if you don't you don't get out a lot, do yah? And those where quite great movies, but far from the same style as Small Soldiers, so the writers where definitely sailing different waters with this one. And they certainly boarded and stole my heart. Ahaa.. See what I did there? Ahhh, I hate myself..

Enough about all the faceless folks sitting behind all the boring paperwork and cameras! Lets dive into this Whirlpool of awesome!

Small Soldiers is about an advanced set of Toy's, consisting of the Soldier set: 'The Commando Elite' and the Alien set: 'The Gorgonites'. Their inventor's, Larry Benson (Jay Mohr) and Irwin Wayfair (David Cross) worked for a small firm, that had only just been bought out, by a much larger cooperation: Globotech. Their new owner, wants the toys to be so much more then just awesome looking figures. Wanted them to talk. To punch their way through boxes! Punch down Aliens and soldiers alike! Sounds like a wicked idea, right? And it was, to an extend.

As the toys where published, a small toy shop, usually only selling old toy models not really being a bigshot in town at all, ends up with a set of each. Yet the day after achieving these toys, they break out of their boxes, and ravages the small toy shop! Sounds unrealistic? Well this is a movie for god's sake! And well the developers did buy a giant stock of government military technology chips, ment for smart missiles, and stuffed them into toys. Does that sound like a good idea? Hell yeah!! But I would never do good in toy development, so how do Iii know.

The son of the small toy shop's owner: Alan Abernathy (Gregory Smith) and his love interest: Christy Fimple (Kirsten Dunst) now finds themselves in the middle of a war between toys. Epicnes ensues!

Pu-ber-ty!

Well. Let's start off about the plot. I've watched this movie about a hundred times when I was still an innocent kid, not knocked in the groin by puberty yet, and back then I payed no attention to anything else, then the awesome toys. Talking, shooting all kinds of wicked shit! Good times. Nowadays I notice plenty of small fines' that can really bust up a movie. One of these many things, is plot, script and storyline. Is it rushed, is it too slow? Is it limping in context and blahdy blah. So I decided to sit down, and watch this masterpiece once more. And I was quite surprised. This is a kids movie, yes. What do you expect, its a movie about walking, talking and fighting toys... Old people (Sorry mom) doesn't understand this. They do however understand things such as politic blah blah, love interests and society issues... Oh why did I grow up! Why!?!

Erhm. Where where I? Ah yes. What Adults wants and what Kids want. When you combine these things, movies becomes 'Family entertainment'. And this has failed in sooo many kids movies. Movies who really want to keep grown ups interested, but fails so miserably, because they lack consistency and.. Well, an original plot. But Small Soldiers, I believe, does this very well. I tried desperately hard to keep myself concentrated and critical when I watched it just now. And that was a hard task. I still squirmed like a little kid, when Chip Hazard pops out of his box! Tihihihi!

Yet I still think it caught my 'grown up' interest. The plot is very well executed and fairly original. And the symbolism also tingled my Mature senses. And not just because Kirsten Dunst does what she does best, being incredibly hot even as a teenager... Sidetracking! Stop it!

Retracking! The story is about a promising toy company, who goes too far with their development, creating outright dangerous, out of control toys. Lethal, even. Although there is no death and gore in this movie, don't worry kids, you can still watch the movie.. You too Aske.. The pictures this creates in itself, goes to show how far someone will go to make a profit. But is it right? Hell no, those toys cuts power circuits and makes Tanks out of land mowers!

But this, in itself, isn't enough to sate what grown ups need. Yeah I know, right? Greedy bastards. They need stuff in between to be good as well! Pff.

Now we've got the written stuff off the list, let's dive into something else. The acting. The acting in this movie, to me, is really good. The young actor (Back then at least) Gregory Smith, does a really good job, at playing the confused, pyromanic and puberty spasmic kid, Alan Abernathy. He does his role fairly realistic, and only really rarely do you see quirks of overacting or. Underacting, from him.

And then there is a bunch of people, I really need to make a shoutout to. The voice actors of the toys... They even deserves being mentioned! Tommy Lee jones! Frank Langella! Ernest Borgnine! Jim Brown! Bruce Dern! George Kennedy! Clint Walker! Christopher Guest! Michael McKean! Harry Shearer! Really awesome job, by every one of these voice actors. They! Are the ones carying this movie, without a doubt. The magnificent job this crew makes, blew my mind as a child, and tingled my critical adult mind. Magnificent work. And to imagine I never even knew these people where in this. Voice actors are so overseen, when it isn't giant names, such as Johnney and Angelina.

One actor, who occationaly made me roll my eyes, was Kirsten Dunst. Sure she is a fairly attractive love interest, but she is just not convincing from time to time. She does it fairly good some times, but when she tells her little brother he is a brat, I just don't hear the HATE! In her voice, that was to be expected. *Uhmmm Script says to be angry.* “Come here you little bwat!”. Just not convincing, is it? She isn't supposed to be talking like a kid, or an angry Youtube Troll.

Then there is Kevin Dunn, who does a magnificent job, playing the role of a stressed business man, owning a tiny toy shop, with a caring wife and a teenage son. “Uh. My script says to be surprise, I better be surprised then.” *Stuart makes convincing surprised expression* That is how it is done.

Lets talk a little bit about the execution of the filming as well. Bare in mind, I have absolutely no experience in anything in this line of work. Well, I don't have in most of what I do, but I do it anyway, so why shouldn't I do this? Stop hatin..

The filming was very standard in this movie. Not a lot of 'special' moments, where the camera did a 'swoosh' or a 'AAARGH! Following the main character in first person, HECTIIIIC!' moments. But I believe this to be a good thing in this kind of movie. We don't want the camera to play our movie for us. We want those kick ass toys to do crazy shit, and the camera just has to tag along, without shaking too much.

Well, here is where I add a little moment of the movie, that I liked the most. I'll call iiiit... 'That time'. Yeah.. That time in Small Soldiers, was when the Gorgonites gets tired of hiding, and decides to fight! The toy: 'Insaniac' (Michael McKean) jumps out of the house' cat door, and shoots off this line: “Woahaha! Heheey! Meet my wife, the old Ball and Chain!” He then proceeds to spin around at great speed (Which is pretty much all Insaniac does) Carrying a flail, knocking about Commandoes, while continuing his punchlines: “Hey! I love working in the round.” “(after hitting down his first Commando)Heheey I'm knocking 'em dead. (Second) Ohoo, look at that” “You don't like stand up, huh, G.I.? Then sit down!” “Thank you, and good night, ladies and germs.” *Laughs hysterically* That, ladies and gentlemen, is my 'That time' of the movie: 'Small Soldiers'.

Now. Verdict. I freaking love this movie. Did as a kid, do now. If you even have the slightest bit of kid left. You know. That guy/girl who really loved toys, explosions, action and freaking Monsters! Then you have to have watched this movie. And if you haven't, go bloody buy it, it is magnificent for us! And I said us, because I am still that kid! No matter what my groin tells me!

Now if your looking for deep romance plots, with plenty of petals and gentle kisses to the cheek... Then get the hell out of my fun time, and buy Moulin Rouge!

If your into really complex and 'thinkalot' plots, and can't open up to a little simple, fictional action.. Then this is probably not your kind of movie. I would suggest The Shining or maybe Gamer... Yeah, Gamer would be a good choice.. I had to think a lot through that movie. I had to figure out how the hell they thought that was a good idea!!

Thank you for your time, that one person who was bored enough to read through this entiresome (*Waves* Hay mum), thanks for wasting your time here at AbitAGre4se's 'You Know What it's Time for!'